“Saturday Night Live” unloaded on Donald Trump last night … but honestly, nobody was safe.

The show’s cold open imagined Trump — played by James Austin Johnson — dialing up Tiger Woods … and immediately regretting it. Instead of talking golf, Tiger drops a bombshell about his DUI and flipping his car, and Trump basically shrugs it off like, “should’ve told them we’re friends.” Tiger — played by Kenan Thompson — responded that he did and it didn’t work! Savage.

Next up … Melania Trump, where things go from messy to straight-up unhinged. She floats the idea of giving a random speech denying ties to Jeffrey Epstein. Trump’s response? Says it sounds “a little insane.”

And last but not least — Pete Hegseth jumps into the mix — portrayed as a war-hungry loose cannon giving wild updates about Iran, with jokes suggesting world leaders might actually prefer bombs over more U.S. negotiations.

The whole sketch basically turned real headlines into one long “what did I just watch?” moment for anyone not up with current events.