As an OB-GYN, I Was Forced To Travel Out Of State To Terminate A Pregnancy I Wanted.

As many others who have made decisions to terminate pregnancies out of love and compassion for their babies have felt, when the Supreme Court overturned Roe vs. Wade in 2022 I felt violated by their ruling; my grief has turned into anger as attacks continue against access to abortion services and reproductive healthcare care providers. Carrying my pregnancy through during the COVID-19 pandemic in 2020 was unnerving as a health care provider who saw patients each day, yet I acted cautiously by taking steps to safeguard myself, my family and our newborn child whom we so eagerly anticipated seeing come into this world. As soon as I learned I’d unwittingly been exposed to another virus during gestation and passed it along, my husband and I felt distraught. Our planning quickly turned from building a nursery into planning an out-of-state trip for us both to end an unwanted pregnancy we hoped to keep alive. On Mother’s Day in 2020, my husband and I found out I was expecting our daughter Nora Rose. With another young child already at home, our hearts melted at meeting our second-born. Right away we fell head over heels in love. My pregnancy had progressed smoothly and I enjoyed visualizing our first days as parents-to-be together at home. At my 24-week anatomy scan, everything changed when I saw my baby on the ultrasound monitor and immediately recognized something was amiss. As an experienced OB-GYN with nearly 10 years’ worth of practice under my belt, this diagnosis hit home. Nora had an extremely small (1%) head measurement and it was evident she suffered from microcephaly, an intellectual developmental condition linked with brain development. Microcephaly can have numerous causes – some may only lead to minor health effects while others can lead to more severe ones. After more testing to assess what was wrong with my baby, the results came back two days later revealing she had contracted Cytomegalovirus (CMV), a common childhood virus typically seen among those born between 2005-2007. This virus typically poses no risks to most adults; there’s no vaccine available; however, if a developing baby contracts it through his/her mother during early gestation it may result in serious fetal infection and lead to miscarriage. As soon as Nora Rose had been diagnosed, I knew her condition meant I might lose her any day; even if she survived, it meant living with devastating developmental and mental disabilities that left us heartbroken; although what had happened was beyond our control and I couldn’t change what had transpired – although that inevitably meant feeling helpless about what had taken place to Nora Rose and changing nothing could change anything at this point in time. No amount of medication, surgery or therapy could reverse the permanent damage that had been done by this virus to my patient’s developing brain. No matter my expertise as an OB-GYN; my instinct as a mother led me to make that difficult choice out of mercy for our child. Both husband and I made that choice together out of love for our child. Results of an election won’t alter that reality; at that time Roe v Wade still held court, while abortion in Wisconsin had been banned after 21 6/7 weeks. At 25-weeks pregnant and with COVID-19 infections rising across the nation, I knew what would be best for Nora Rose: travel to Colorado with my husband to terminate our pregnancy and do whatever was necessary. With her heartbroken support we made our trip. My wish was that I could stay near my doctors and support network of family and friends; unfortunately, we were forced to part with our son and move across country into an office where everything and everyone were unfamiliar – it was the most terrifying flight ride of my life! As I attempted to remain composed in public spaces such as airports and planes, it proved challenging. Tears began streaming down my face like rain. I felt as if someone were crushing my heart away before my very eyes. My abortion process took nearly seven days; logistically most would find this burdensome in both terms of time and finances; my procedure cost $6,000 without including travel or other related costs. There were protesters outside shouting their opposition outside our clinic office during our visits, making things very uncomfortable. People knew nothing of our heartbreaking tragedy yet still judged and berated us harshly; after we finally returned home I refused to shower for weeks after realizing I wasn’t pregnant anymore. This experience left an indelible scar. I still miss my daughter Nora Rose every single day and will never forget my beloved Nora. My memorial to her in my yard consists of planting a rose garden. Every new attack against abortion access and reproductive healthcare feels like a direct attack against my choice as both a medical provider and parent. Politicians do not belong making personal medical decisions for anyone, including me. I know more attacks will follow and am bracing myself for what may come. As an obstetrician, I find it absolutely unacceptable that politicians without medical degrees, knowledge or expertise are telling obstetricians like myself how we should take care of patients. This practice is dangerous and women will continue to endure suffering until there is federal protection of abortion across every state. “I am outraged by the relentless attacks against abortion access, but more so by the lies anti-abortion extremists are telling millions of American today.” But they know the majority of Americans support access to abortion – last week alone seven states passed ballot initiatives designed to preserve, restore and expand abortion access. Extremist lawmakers who seek to undermine our rights continue their attempt at deception by distancing themselves from these unpopular policies; I will not stand for that! I refuse to allow that. As I share my story and give voice to how abortion bans hurt women and families, it has given me purpose, passion and community – not least on Facebook groups for people like myself who have experienced pregnancy loss or made difficult choices of their own. Over 3,000 members come together and provide one another with support, understanding and compassion. No matter who serves as president, our strength will only continue to build as we strengthen one another through pregnancy’s challenges – something which many others experience too. So I continue to tell my story even when it is painful or upsetting; we cannot ignore how critical reproductive freedom issues have become for society as a whole, so attacks against reproductive freedom affect us all and anti-abortion extremists have no place threatening its future. Dr. Favaian-Lewis provided valuable insight in sharing her personal story of abortion loss as part of this larger dialogue on reproductive freedom issues. Anna Igler of Green Bay, Wisconsin is an OB/GYN who prides herself as being both mother, wife, and advocate of reproductive freedom – including access to IVF treatment – among her patients and community. 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