‘I don’t even dream about intercourse … I don’t miss it in any respect’: readers on why they selected celibacy

Over the previous couple of years greater than 120 million posts have appeared on TikTok concerning the rise of an surprising pattern: self-imposed celibacy.

Whereas some predicted a post-pandemic period of “sexual licentiousness”, readers from all walks of life and throughout generations informed us that removed from doubling down on hookup tradition, they’ve discovered refreshing readability in a extra austere strategy to bodily intimacy.

Whereas some readers’ forays into sexual abstinence predated Covid, frequent threads remained. Whether or not readers had determined to use the breaks for just a few months or the remainder of their lives, all of them agreed that celibacy had been a optimistic expertise that supplied some welcome perspective on not solely their relationship with intercourse, however with themselves.

‘I didn’t have intercourse with anybody however myself for eight months’

I’ve at all times been a folks pleaser and through intercourse this intuition made me give attention to my companions having a superb time, which included faking orgasms. I nonetheless loved the intercourse and was by no means an unwilling associate however I felt ashamed that I used to be being deceitful. And naturally I additionally wished to orgasm throughout intercourse, however till not too long ago I’d solely ever orgasmed by masturbation.

When my final relationship ended I promised myself that I wouldn’t begin one other one or have intercourse with anybody till I’d labored on constructing my confidence and sense of self-worth to the purpose that I might worth my very own pleasure as a lot as that of my associate. And it labored!

I didn’t have intercourse with anybody however myself for about eight months. Once I returned to intercourse with a associate, I used to be capable of be trustworthy with them about what I wished and orgasming throughout intercourse has change into the norm.

Celibacy gave me house to work on myself and break an unhelpful sample and I’m so glad I did it.
Nameless, Australia

‘It’s liberating to be freed from previous concepts about intimacy’

I’ve been celibate for just a few years now and love this way of life. I’m in my mid-50s and have discovered peace of thoughts, monetary safety and stress-free each day residing from my selection. Staying solo (I don’t use the time period “single”) is one of the best resolution I’ve ever made.

After a divorce at 30 and a string of short-term relationships with males who have been so immature, insecure and self-centred that I needed to lose myself if I wished the relationships to work, I got here to understand that solo life was higher on each stage.

My sexual wants are addressed and loved alone and my emotional life has expanded and is cherished by long-term friendships and my household. I extremely suggest this way of life for girls uninterested in catering to males.

It’s liberating to be freed from previous concepts about intimacy and relationships and select to dwell life on my phrases of happiness. I plan on being celibate endlessly.
Nameless, Australia

‘Celibacy affords absolute readability of thoughts’

My expertise of celibacy was not a lot a selection as a pure consequence of the extreme Zen coaching I used to be present process on the time. I’m an ordained Zen Buddhist monk in my 50s. I’m additionally married with youngsters. I’ve been by two intervals of celibacy: as soon as pre-monastically in India and that was six months’ lengthy. The second time was within the monastery and lasted simply over a 12 months.

I’ve at all times been very sexual and I nonetheless am, maybe much more so now as a consequence of my experiences. However on the time celibacy was a pure development from want to fairly actually no want. True celibacy for my part is the lack to even conceptually expertise want. From this place, one individual interacts with one other as merely human slightly than an object of want.

When sexual ideas are absent it’s unbelievable to understand how a lot of our day-to-day life is often taken up with aware and unconscious sexual concerns and consciousness. Celibacy affords absolute readability of thoughts.

My grasp’s grasp as soon as mentioned: “The closest most individuals come to enlightenment is an orgasm.” I now practise Tantra and so long as I stay in a sexual relationship, this bridges the gaps between my sexual relationship and non secular wants.
Venerable Daiju Zenji, Sydney

‘I used to be utilizing intercourse and my look as a strategy to validate myself’

Almost 10 years in the past, a frank dialog with my finest good friend introduced dwelling some arduous truths. With my finest pursuits and security at coronary heart she informed me she believed that after years in a nasty relationship that had chipped away at my shallowness, I used to be utilizing intercourse and my look as a strategy to validate myself.

I made a decision to take a 12 months off from intercourse and relationship. One of the best factor was with the ability to separate who I’m at my core from how I look or what others consider me.

Getting again into relationship after my celibacy ended was powerful. It jogged my memory that there are a number of duds on the market that gained’t see or recognize the interior work you’ve achieved. Then I met my associate.

I’m glad I did the arduous work after I did, as a result of determining who I’m and never looking for approval by intercourse has positioned me effectively for a secure relationship.
Nameless, Australia

‘Life is certainly simpler’

Within the homosexual scene which is now dominated by relationship apps, intercourse is primarily a commodity that’s used to place notches on the bedhead. I simply obtained sick of the merry-go-round the place you must have intercourse to be able to meet somebody.

I’ve been celibate for 3 years now and life is certainly simpler. I’ve discovered that you simply don’t want to make use of intercourse to fill the voids in your life. I obtained myself a canine two years in the past, and it’s superior coming dwelling to one thing alive in the home.
Ian, Sydney

‘I don’t miss the sexual urges of my fertile years’

All through my life I had the nice fortune to take pleasure in intercourse with none detrimental bodily or psychological interference which may have affected my want to proceed to remain sexually lively. However now in my early 60s I’ve been fortunately celibate for 20 years.

I’ve by no means fearful about “the norm” and for me at the least, being sexually lively, or not, is solely dictated by biology. Simply as I don’t miss my child tooth, I don’t miss the sexual urges of my fertile years.

As a toddler I used to be conscious that intercourse was one thing that older folks gave the impression to be obsessed about, however I had no real interest in it till I grew to become a sexy adolescent. Put up menopause, I appear to have gone full circle again to feeling freed from want and seeing that intercourse is solely one thing youthful individuals are thinking about however holds no enchantment to me. The need to masturbate stopped, I don’t even dream about intercourse. It’s simply gone and I don’t miss it in any respect.

I do know many postmenopausal ladies are satisfied to or want to maintain hormones at a stage to make sure want stays, however to me that’s back-to-front considering. Being celibate feels as pure to me now because it did after I was a toddler.

Residing alone and celibate appears like freedom and like my life was at all times main thus far the place I’d be freed from complying to anyone’s wants however my very own.
Nameless, Australia

Quotes have been edited for construction, readability and size.