The Most Absurd Predictions for the Penguins' 2024-2025 Season

The Pittsburgh Penguins will quickly report back to coaching camp and play preseason video games on the finish of September. Although Sidney Crosby has but to signal an extension, he will not need to go wherever, particularly if these absurd predictions come to go within the subsequent 11 months.

September: McGroarty replaces Crosby as captain.

Common supervisor Kyle Dubas sends shockwaves by means of the NHL by changing Sidney Crosby as captain. For the reason that Penguins chief has but to signal an extension, Dubas boldly promoted 20-year-old Rutger McGroarty to captain. After requesting to depart the Winnipeg Jets as a result of he needed a chance, Dubas provides the rookie an opportunity to have his cake and eat it, too.

October: Penguins deliver McDavid again from highway journey.

Pittsburgh heads to Western Canada in late October. Their first cease is Winnipeg (Oct. 20), adopted by Calgary (Oct. 22) and Edmonton (Oct. 25). They conclude their four-game highway journey with a cease in Vancouver (Oct. 26).

After watching the Penguins dominate all 4 contests, together with destroying the Oilers on dwelling ice, reigning Conn Smythe Trophy winner Connor McDavid begs administration to commerce him to Pittsburgh so he can begin coaching for the 2026 Olympics by enjoying with Crosby now.

Apparently, McDavid will make his Penguins debut towards Marc-Andre Fleury and the Minnesota Wild on Oct. 29.

November: Crosby has to observe Ovechkin break the all-time objectives file… in individual.

Heading into the 2024-25 season, Alex Ovechkin wants solely 43 objectives to interrupt Wayne Gretzky’s file of 894. Contemplating his long-standing rivalry with Crosby, Ovechkin storms out of the gate and scores 41 objectives within the first 12 video games of the season.

When the Capitals arrive at PPG Paints Area on Nov. 8, Crosby should watch as Ovechkin nets the game-winner in time beyond regulation to finish his hat trick and have a good time his milestone purpose.

December: Penguins steal Stanley Cup from Florida.

Upset that Ovechkin celebrated his newest achievement on their dwelling ice, the Penguins get even with the Hockey Gods by going to Florida and performing the heist of the century by stealing the Stanley Cup on Dec. 3.

Just like the missing Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads from March 2024, Pittsburgh’s social media group breaks the information on the lacking trophy. Ultimately, the Stanley Cup seems in random spots round Philadelphia because the group tries to border the Flyers mascot, Gritty, for the crime.

January: Pittsburgh goes winless on a seven-game highway journey, prompting possession considerations.

The Penguins head out on a seven-game highway journey with 5 contests on the West Coast after tilts towards the Buffalo Sabres (Jan. 17) and Capitals (Jan. 18).

They begin the journey winless after which drop their subsequent 5 towards the Los Angeles Kings (Jan. 20), Anaheim Ducks (Jan. 23), Seattle Kraken (Jan. 25), San Jose Sharks (Jan. 27), and Utah Hockey Club (Jan. 29).

Upset that the group lacks route, minority proprietor Mario Lemieux begins to coach for his second comeback at 58, hoping his return will ignite the dressing room like it’s 2001 over again.

February: Penguins purchase reigning Norris Trophy winner Quinn Hughes.

In August 2023, Dubas acquired reigning Norris Trophy winner Erik Karlsson. To salvage his fame, he places all his eggs in a single basket by buying the most recent Norris Trophy winner, Quinn Hughes.

The transfer shocks everybody as a result of all three Hughes brothers, Jack, Luke, and Quinn, now play within the Metropolitan Division. Gross sales of NHL 25 skyrocket as a result of the Penguins and New Jersey Devils are on a collision course to satisfy within the Stanley Cup playoffs.

March: Penguins confuse followers by unretiring Jagr’s quantity.

Though there have been no press releases, followers are confused after they attend the Mar. 11 contest towards the Vegas Golden Knights to see Jagr’s quantity not within the rafters.

After tearing it up with Rytíři Kladno and turning into the primary participant in Czechia league historical past to attain 100 factors, Jagr agrees to a last-minute contract with the Penguins on Mar. 8, which permits him to take part within the Stanley Cup playoffs.

April: Sullivan is fired, changed by Crosby, the primary participant/coach in a half-century.

In 2009, the Penguins fired Michel Therrien and went on to win the Stanley Cup with Dan Bylsma. A number of years later, in 2016, they fired Mike Johnston and received back-to-back titles with Mike Sullivan.

Trying to seize lightning in a bottle for the third time, Dubas fires Sullivan after the season finale regardless of qualifying for the playoffs, selling Crosby to move coach, who turns into the primary participant/coach since Doug Harvey in 1962.

Could: Penguins sweep Jap Convention playoffs.

Crosby, McDavid, Hughes, Lemieux, and Jagr all erupt for 20 factors a bit in 12 video games to get the Penguins again to the Stanley Cup Remaining. Pittsburgh sweep the Flyers within the first spherical, ditching the Stanley Cup within the Wells Fargo Heart, finishing the body job on Gritty.

Within the second spherical, the Penguins defeat Ovechkin and the Capitals, which was The Nice 8’s final sport within the NHL. He decides to go dwelling to chase down Sergei Mozyakin’s KHL purpose file of 351.

In the course of the emotional Jap Convention Remaining, Quinn defeats his brothers, Jack and Luke, en path to his first championship sequence. EA Sports activities is so thrilled in regards to the gross sales of NHL 25 that they recruit the Hanson brothers to return out of retirement for the quilt of NHL 26.

June: JCVD, at 63 years previous, saves the Stanley Cup for Pittsburgh.

The Oilers return to the Stanley Cup Remaining for the second consecutive season, this time with out McDavid. In a hard-fought sequence that goes to Sport 7, the Penguins lose their three goalies in warm-ups: Tristan Jarry, Alex Nedeljkovic, and Sergei Murashov.

Fortunately, Hollywood actor Jean-Claude Van Damme is in attendance. In the course of the ceremonial puck drop, the group convinces him they want him to strap on the pads again.

Van Damme wins the Conn Smythe for shutting out the Oilers and breaking the NHL save file with 87 stops. The league agrees to let Edmonton play 6-on-5 for the complete contest since a star was tending the purpose for Pittsburgh.

It was additionally the one strategy to persuade Canadian followers that the Oilers had a “authentic likelihood” of profitable the Stanley Cup beneath Gary Bettman’s tenure.

July: Sudden Demise II goes into manufacturing.

After watching Van Damme’s heroics, former Penguins proprietor Howard Baldwin, who financed the film Sudden Demise, convinces Hollywood executives to green-light his script for Sudden Demise II.

Since studios have run out of latest concepts and remakes or sequels get launched many years after the unique, it was time for Baldwin to strike whereas the iron was scorching.

The executives conform to finance the mission so long as Lebron James will get to star within the story since he is a minority proprietor of the Penguins by means of Fenway Sports activities Group, and the brand new Area Jam film made $162 million on the field workplace.

Building begins instantly at PPG Paints Area to make sure the roof can open to allow them to recreate one other chopper explosion earlier than coaching camp. Arnold Schwarzenegger makes a cameo by yelling, “Do not get within the chopper!”

What loopy, unpredictable issues did we miss? Tell us within the feedback. Benefit from the 2024-25 season. It is shaping as much as be a wild one!