An Aging Parent's Nightmare: His Son Arrived But Would Not Leave

This story is true. AgingParents.com was an integral part of this endeavor and provided consulting.

Vulnerability can sneak up on solo-agers unexpectedly. Aging veteran (AV), living alone and experiencing physical changes, was doing okay until Covid hit. Covid rendered him very sick but didn’t require hospitalization, forcing AV to call his only son because no other one could look after him at that moment in time; neither were close, and this son had an unpredictable temper but felt they had no choice other than calling on AV’s care despite having opposing opinions – leaving AV afraid and vulnerable.

Temperamental son TS arrived with unemployed partner UG to provide meals and do some shopping for AV. While recovering, his health slowly improved despite other unrelated conditions; as time for them to leave came around (AV wanted them out but they refused), drinking became his old enemy once more; drinking large quantities daily compounded his problems further and made matters even worse for himself and those around him.

Conflict AV tried to assert himself and demand that TS and UG leave his home, but they refused. Conflict escalated quickly into shouting matches between father and son that escalated further as his larger and heavier son threatened his physical safety and made physical threats towards AV’s father – so much so that when his son learned about his plan for an eviction proceeding against UG and him TS intimidated AV into backing down; after which things escalated further than ever.

Physical Abuse
One night, TS approached AV with anger and placed his hands around his throat choking him before retreating backward. When AV attempted to call for help, his girlfriend (UG) took away his phone without providing it back – eventually going so far as taking away all communication between UG and himself as well as refusing him the ability to call police themselves. On day 2, AV visited their doctor; where his nurse made written report detailing this event as required and also reported harm done through Adult Protective Services as needed while police reported the incident – yet nothing changed between then and now when it came time. TS refused to leave their home even once police reports had been completed against him or against them both; instead remaining present throughout.

Though intimidated by his son, AV decided to return to his lawyer and express his wish that they remove their son TS and his friend. To this effect, his state allowed for legal recourse for this action to seek restraining orders against them; when terrified by them AV started out but changed his mind several times until finally taking it on in full with help of lawyer who prepared their case and presented before judge who granted restraining order and two had to leave immediately.

Outcome mes Evicting TS and UG from their house proved painful; when law enforcement arrived to serve a restraining order and remove them under lawful supervision, personal items would need to be collected later from them by AV himself under legal supervision. He decided on measures such as hiring a companion caregiver to do his shopping and cooking on a daily basis as well as changing locks to be ready in case TS violated his restraining order against him – though none involved weapons.

Changes that AV Needed to Make
AV was living alone and had done no planning for what would happen if he became sick, since his wife died in a car accident. Additionally, there were no good friends, hobbies or social life in general to speak of; although in the past he had attended Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). His life had become so limited when AV was diagnosed with Covid that only his potentially abusive son could provide emotional support. After this heartbreaking period, however, AV finally realized the need to drastically change his lifestyle: He returned to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and socialized more with companion caregivers; these discussions helped him see things in new light, helping put his life back on a more promising course and put things back on a positive course – proof positive that some good can come even from seemingly dire times in our lives!
Takeaways for Aging Alone
When living alone and growing older, remember not to isolate yourself; put forth effort into joining activities outside your home and finding ways to meet people – volunteer opportunities are great; they give a purpose in life! Taken further, connecting with other can provide both safety and enjoyment – your connection should serve both ends equally!