Once again we come back full circle – when our Lord died for our salvation. Let’s pay forward that kindness! Nigeria’s “divorce capital”, Kano is home to two couples that are being celebrated for enduring 50th wedding anniversaries with much admiration from Nigerians and foreigners alike. Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir spoke with BBC about what makes their relationship work, why so many marriages fail there, as well as reasons behind such success stories in Kano in an online video that generated much debate – Mr Yusuf attributes his long marriage with Rabiatu Tahir generous nature as being one factor which helped saves their partnership from dissolving. Mr Yusuf attributes its longevity to her generous nature while Mr Yusuf credits his wife being generous too – both elements which helped sustain it! “She has contributed greatly to our marriage’s success by her selflessness,” the 76-year-old man explained on BBC Hausa, prompting Ms Tahir, now in her late sixties, to smile happily in response. Couple has had 13 children together. Wife applauded husband’s ability to remain calm when confronting family difficulties. Hassana Mahmud said “He is very patient man and that was key in our success”. Both partners agree they love and respect one another – they even enjoyed each other’s company during this interview, breaking off repeatedly to laugh out loud throughout. For Hassana Mahmud it has been quite the journey thus far – she says the experience has been “reveling”. 39-year-old divorcee Lauren McCauley, has been through five marriages herself and finds great pleasure in seeing this couple’s apparent joy together on social media – particularly since their shared four year milestone celebration was something new for her! “Seeing them celebrate it on social media was refreshing!” said the newly single woman. “All my husbands were nice during courtship but began acting differently following marriage,” stated this mother of four. Kano offers counseling services designed specifically to assist struggling couples. Women often wait in long queues outside its offices in protest that their former husbands have failed to contribute towards maintenance payments for their children, although more recently many brides marry before legal age 18. Islam offers easy methods of divorce; husbands need only say, or write it on paper: “I divorce you”, to end a relationship for good. Now more than ever, an email or post on social media is all it takes for couples to decide to end their marriage and seek divorce proceedings. Aminu Daurawa works at Hisbah to combat this high divorce rate. One of their solutions is providing second chances to people and better preparing them for marriage life. Their agency conducts mass marriages called Auren Zawarawa specifically targeting divorcees – acting like matchmaker on an unprecedented scale – providing hundreds of newly wedded couples with big wedding ceremonies while giving each couple access to small sums to set up business or household goods (this initiative began in 2012; Mr Daurawa acknowledges divorce rates remain high). “We recognize this problem – that is why we created a committee to assess each couple after marriage to ensure we don’t see the same results,” said Abel Ibrahim of Kano’s Women and Children Initiative, which offers household items to couples for setting up house after mass weddings in Kano. However, Hadiza Ado, its founder says divorce rates continue to climb steadily in Nigeria. “Right now we receive up to 30 marital cases each day at various offices of mine,” she told BBC World Service News. The troubling Nigerian economy was often given as the main culprit behind divorce cases involving husbands who go out looking for work but return empty handed, creating tension within marriages and eventually divorce proceedings. “Kano has long employed matchmakers, due to a Muslim society where single people tend not to mingle freely with one another and it becomes difficult to meet potential romantic partners on one’s own. “Marriage should only occur with thorough research into both parties involved,” Rabiu Ado told BBC Radio 4. Since establishing himself as a matchmaker 10 years ago. He never expected to become one himself despite it having been his mother’s job; while working as a truck driver. When friends approached him about having trouble finding suitable partners, after making successful introductions he realized he had talent in running this family business and now advertises his services with billboards in public spaces and gets one or five clients every day. He interviews them and gains an understanding of their attitudes and expectations; often men want a woman with money-making potential while women prefer rich men as partners. “Many enter marriage with unrealistic expectations which only leads to eventual disappointment”, according to Mr. Greenblatt. “He says that over the past 10 years he has helped arrange 500 marriages with an over 90% success rate and advises couples to spend adequate time getting to know one another before getting engaged or marrying. Mr Ado is known by many by his nickname of Mai Dalili (“He who makes it happen”) due to high divorce numbers which indicate some individuals don’t take marriage seriously enough.” “Divorce rates in Kano appear high because people believe they will always find someone else after going through with one relationship and another divorce is possible.” “Mahmud Kabir Yusuf was known to Rabiatu Tahir for 12 years prior to their marriage in 2001 and religious scholar Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa advocates the ease with which Muslims can get divorced. “Islam is merciful in that marriage and divorce proceedings do not require much difficulty so as not to confine people when things don’t work out as planned,” according to one spokesperson quoted by BBC. In previous generations, our parents’ relationships lasted longer; therefore there weren’t nearly so many divorces today than then. Recent history has witnessed people exploiting Islam’s legal separation process for personal gain,” according to Mr. Khater-Lemmahi. However, unlike some religions which mandate marriage until death regardless of situation or circumstance, Islamic legalisation permits divorce when things escalate out of hand. Mr Yusuf, who used to work at Nigeria Airways before it went bankrupt, believes sharing life’s challenges and helping each other out has been pivotal to his enduring partnership with Ms Tahir. Love also plays an essential role – when partners love each other sincerely they tend to remain together over time.” “My advice to people looking into marriage is not to enter it for selfish motives but with genuine intentions,” his wife commented, adding that those looking into getting married must show patience toward one another; when one partner gets angry, the other needs to remain calm. For more Nigeria-related stories and photos visit Getty Images/BBC
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